at comforting people. I
remember once my friend was having a panic attack. Her head was between her knees and she clutched her heart as she desperately attempted to catch her breath. I was completely out of my element. Not knowing what to do or how I could help, I patted her back awkwardly for several minutes. I didn't truly know why I believed patting her back would somehow help-- I just thought that's what people normally do in those type of situations. My attempts at comforting her didn't seem to be helpful in the slightest, so I proceed to stare at her until she calmed down. She turned to me, her face flushed and contorted with tears, "what are you doing?" she asked me.
"Umm..." I was in a compromising position. She was still visibly upset and I didn't feel it would be appropriate at that point in time to explain to her that this whole "people thing" didn't always come naturally to me. "I was... trying to help?"
"Well, stop staring at me like that," she said, her face still wet with tears. I have been in many other similar situations. I remember long ago a different friend of mine was crying because her brother had put her in a choke hold. I was younger and less mature then but as she clutched her neck, sobbing on the floor, I started laughing! This isn't to say that I'm some sort of sociopathic robot, but in any situation that involves tears I am completely ineffective.
This brings me to my real story. I was faced once again with my achilles heel of situations, another crying friend. Her father's best friend had just recently died and she tearfully explained to me that she felt her father had become closed-off and depressed. Despite my empathetic nature, my stoic stare was present as always. I couldn't think of the right thing to say, knowing fully well that sometimes there never is. Luckily, a friend of mine who can actually process human emotion sat with us. His face was kind and laced with a sympathetic smile as he diligently listened to everything she said. "Let me tell you something," he said to her calmly. She wiped the tears from underneath her eyes. "There's an old saying. I can't remember who said it, but it was along the lines of:
They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.
All you can do to honor the death of your father's best friend is never forget his memory. Hold it close to your heart and never let him die that second death."
I was astounded by the complexity and beauty of what he said. I later looked into the quote and discovered it was said by a famous street artist from England by the name of Banksy. The name was very familiar and it was then I remembered watching a documentary about Banksy with my parents when I was much younger called "Exit Through the Gift Shop." I found myself spending a great deal of time analyzing this quote and how true it was. There will come a point in time where all of us will be dead. It is a scary thought but true nonetheless. Unless you possess what society deems as a great significance, your name will be forgotten just as millions of others have. Shakespeare, Martin Luther King Jr., Albert Einstein, Napoleon, and so many other icons have died yet still live on in the minds of the living. To me, it was an amazing concept, realizing that some people were immortal.
My grandfather died last year. It was a shock to my entire family and very sudden. I can still remember every single detail of that day, the day my father came home and he told my brother and me. Up until then, I had never had a reason to despise death. Death was such a foreign feeling to me, and flying to Puerto Rico for my grandfather's funeral and looking at his chair- realizing I would never see him sit in it again, terrified me. I hold this saying close to my heart because I'm scared to do anything less than that. I know that someday my grandfather will be forgotten, when my family has passed and my children and grandchildren have. We will all simply become specks on a family tree, but somehow I find that comforting. It makes life easier, to realize that someday, I too will be forgotten. It makes me appreciate how short our time on this earth is and realize how important it is to live a life for yourself and those that love you. I know I'll never again get to see my grandfather sitting in his brown, rugged chair in the living room, where the sun shone brightly through the glass door panels and the gentle, comforting sound of the air conditioner filled the room with a soothing hum. My grandfather may have died his first life, but so long as I am alive, I will never let him die the second.
This brings me to my real story. I was faced once again with my achilles heel of situations, another crying friend. Her father's best friend had just recently died and she tearfully explained to me that she felt her father had become closed-off and depressed. Despite my empathetic nature, my stoic stare was present as always. I couldn't think of the right thing to say, knowing fully well that sometimes there never is. Luckily, a friend of mine who can actually process human emotion sat with us. His face was kind and laced with a sympathetic smile as he diligently listened to everything she said. "Let me tell you something," he said to her calmly. She wiped the tears from underneath her eyes. "There's an old saying. I can't remember who said it, but it was along the lines of:
They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.
All you can do to honor the death of your father's best friend is never forget his memory. Hold it close to your heart and never let him die that second death."
I was astounded by the complexity and beauty of what he said. I later looked into the quote and discovered it was said by a famous street artist from England by the name of Banksy. The name was very familiar and it was then I remembered watching a documentary about Banksy with my parents when I was much younger called "Exit Through the Gift Shop." I found myself spending a great deal of time analyzing this quote and how true it was. There will come a point in time where all of us will be dead. It is a scary thought but true nonetheless. Unless you possess what society deems as a great significance, your name will be forgotten just as millions of others have. Shakespeare, Martin Luther King Jr., Albert Einstein, Napoleon, and so many other icons have died yet still live on in the minds of the living. To me, it was an amazing concept, realizing that some people were immortal.
My grandfather died last year. It was a shock to my entire family and very sudden. I can still remember every single detail of that day, the day my father came home and he told my brother and me. Up until then, I had never had a reason to despise death. Death was such a foreign feeling to me, and flying to Puerto Rico for my grandfather's funeral and looking at his chair- realizing I would never see him sit in it again, terrified me. I hold this saying close to my heart because I'm scared to do anything less than that. I know that someday my grandfather will be forgotten, when my family has passed and my children and grandchildren have. We will all simply become specks on a family tree, but somehow I find that comforting. It makes life easier, to realize that someday, I too will be forgotten. It makes me appreciate how short our time on this earth is and realize how important it is to live a life for yourself and those that love you. I know I'll never again get to see my grandfather sitting in his brown, rugged chair in the living room, where the sun shone brightly through the glass door panels and the gentle, comforting sound of the air conditioner filled the room with a soothing hum. My grandfather may have died his first life, but so long as I am alive, I will never let him die the second.
This piece made me laugh and cry at the same time. I think that as you grow older you'll find better ways to comfort those around you. I like the quote you researched and that whole idea. When my nephew died we started a foundation in his honor for that very reason, so he could live on through our kindness. Well done! ~ Mrs. Kopp
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that you care enough about your friends to stay close to them even when times are tough already gives you many of the tools you need to effectively look out for those you care about. --Mr. Johnson
ReplyDelete